Dunn's Den of Knowledge.

An opponent called Lincoln a baboon and a senator hit another with his cane.  Not too long ago we saw legislators duke it out in Japan, and Google reports statesmen’s physical bashings in Jakarta, Taiwan, and the Czech Republic.

 Are those good ole days gone forever? The worst I’ve seen lately is, “My opponent’s campaign has reached a new low with his lies and half-truths.” Really—how about really low blows with the gloves off?

 I’d favor capital punishment for attacks on anyone’s family. Otherwise, let it rip.

Aren’t you sick of hearing, “My distinguished opponent, with whom I have the highest personal regard, is somewhat misguided on this issue.”  That is a non-Freudian slip. What he was thinking was, “He is a bumbling fool and I question his ancestry and the circumstances of his birth.”

 We need a police force that enforces non-civility in all political ads. No gentility, only verbal body slams are allowed. Politeness is very boring. Good ads are intrusive.  Old-fashioned boxing (under the Marques of Queensbury rules) is being swamped by Ultimate Fights, where the only thing it seems you can’t do is disembowel. Hockey fans want fistfights, Nascar thrives on wrecks. Gladiators win with blood, toreadors earn ears.   Americans want a (fair?) fight.

I want to hear what they really think about issues, and what they know about the other guy’s deficiencies (read dirt). Here’s a format that will work for any televised debates:

• In an isolation booth with one mike
• Just the two of them, seated facing each other, three feet apart
• They take turns asking any question they choose
• The other one has one minute to answer, then the first one can shout over
• After five minutes a bell rings and the other guy asks his question
• Two hour limit